


Thief<3 entered TARDIS

by Resa_Saso



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Chatlogs, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 04:45:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9863471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resa_Saso/pseuds/Resa_Saso
Summary: The TARDIS is worried about the Doctor who seems to have gotten even lonelier than ever before. So she finds his companions spread all over time and space... And throws them into a chatroom. Naturally. | It's almost only written in chat-form | Consider it parody and humour which might develop something like a plot ..... Because really. There's The Master. There's The Doctor. Can't not ship them.





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this is something my weird little brain came up with when I rewatched "The Girl Who Waited" and The Doctor complained about Amy making an update on Twitter. I'll totally ship The Doctor and The Master, so there's that. I'll also give you a list of names + nicknames so you can keep up. Uh... There'll be Classic companions, totally, but I'll try to keep them in balance with New Who. If there are any wishes, feedback, ideas for other characters or ships or whatever, feel free to throw it in!   
> I'll give cookies to everyone who can guess which characters I like and which not. Really. I'm trying hard not to let it show (or make fun on everyone the same :P)  
> Enjoy! :)

Thief<3 - The Doctor

Bad Wolf Girl - Rose Tyler  
NotRose - Martha Jones  
JustATemp - Donna Noble  
Legs - Amy Williams (Pond)  
Nose - Rory Williams  
Mrs. Robinson - River Song  
TheImpossibleGirl - Clara Oswald   
  
FaceOfBoe - Captain Jack Harkness  
Coffeeboy69 - Ianto Jones  
  
SonicLipstick - Sarah Jane Smith  
SAVETHEAMAZONAS - Jo Jones (Grand)  
Brigadier1st - Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge-Steward  
CallMeFred - Romana(dvoratrelundar)

 

 

The Doctor had ignored the TARDIS-screen's constant, accusing bleeping already for several hours, while trying to fix the console. More and more he came to the conclusion, that, even though nothing worked without flaws, he at least should end up  _somewhere_ by using it.

He sighed, jumped to his feet and stretched his arms, looking up to the TARDIS ceiling.

„Okay!“, he shouted into the empty room.

Excited humming told him, his TARDIS was listening.

„Okay! So what is your problem exactly? Why won't you dematerialise?“

The accusing bleeping got louder. The Doctor sighed again.

„I told you!“, he exclaimed grimly, while finally heading to the screens and turning them around to check on them. „I am not....“  
His eyes widened. „.... lonely?“

He stared at the screen in disbelieve. „A chatroom? You signed me up on a chatroom?“

 

_'Thief <3' entered TARDIS_

_There are 13 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

 

_**FaceOfBoe, Legs, Nose, Mrs. Robinson, Bad Wolf Girl, NotRose, JustATemp, SonicLipstick, CallMeFred, SAVETHEAMAZONAS, Brigadier1st, TheImpossibleGirl, Thief <3** _

 

**FaceOfBoe:** _ Well, please, feel free to always present your sonic lipstick to ME. _

**Thief <3: ** _ Oh, Rassilon, I can't believe this is the first thing I read. No. No. Actually I can. _

**FaceOfBoe:** _ Just stating the facts. _

**Thief <3: ** _ Yeah. Well. STOP IT. _

**SonicLipstick:** _ I really don't mind! _

**FaceOfBoe:** _.... Doctor, is that you? _

**Legs:** _What? Doctor?_

**Nose:** _I should've known..._

**NotRose:** _Jack, this is you, isn't it?  
_  
 **Bad Wolf Girl:** __Dctor it's me1

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _.......Wait, who are YOU? @NotRose_

**NotRose:** __…. I didn't chose this name! Why have I this name? DOCTOR?

**CallMeFred:** _ Earthlings.... _

**CallMeFred:** _ Hey, is that my name? I don't like it! _

**Brigadier1st:** _I really don't have the time for this. Doctor, have you something to do with this persistent noise coming out of my screen?_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS** :  _ I think it's rather fascinating _

**Thief <3:** _What? No no no, that was the TARDIS. She chose the names, too..... Oh, Rassilon, Jo, is that you?_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS** : _I like my name!!  
_  
 **TheImpossibleGirl:** __This is really messy, if you ask me

**SonicLipstick** :  _ I don't get this. What is going on? _

**Mrs. Robinson:** _ This is a really lovely idea, Sweetie. I was getting a bit bored... _

**Thief <3:** _I'm glad to be of assistance.... Wait, what am I talking about I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS._

**Thief <3:** _The TARDIS just decided I was lonely and picked you all up for this ridiculous chatroom_

**Thief <3:** _This was never my idea!!_

**Bad Wolf Girl:** __ …... SWEETIE?!  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** __ I need to know everything!

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Jack, wtf!_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Sorry Rose ^^'_

**NotRose:** _Oh, you're Rose then?_

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Yes and who the hell are you?_

**NotRose:** _My name's Martha...._

**Thief <3:** _Oh by Rassilon, she must really think she's funny..._

**Legs:** _What, the TARDIS? :D_

**Thief <3: ** _ Yes, the TARDIS. I can't believe this. This is not going to end well... _

**JustATemp:** _What the HELL are you all doing on my screen? I was watching Netflix! WHO ARE YOU?!_

**Thief <3:** …..  _ This is going to be a long night. _

 

 

 

**_~ Later that night ~_ **

 

 

_There are 10 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

 

_**FaceOfBoe, Legs, Nose, Mrs. Robinson, Bad Wolf Girl, NotRose, SonicLipstick, SAVETHEAMAZONAS, TheImpossibleGirl, Thief <3** _

 

**Thief <3: ** _ I'm getting a headache... _

**FaceOfBoe:** _ You know, they say, there is something that helps.... _

**Thief <3:** _Spare me_.

**FaceOfBoe:** _ Happy to hear from you, too, Doctor. _

**Thief <3** :  _ Obviously. Now that I've answered all of your questions... you certainly agree to shut this ridiculous chatroom down? _

**Legs:** _Yeah.... No chance, Doctor._

**NotRose:** _Absolutely not._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _ NOPE _

**Nose:** _Actually, I think, that would be a...._

**Nose:** _Amy, wth, I was just writing something_

**Nose:** _ She hit me _

**Mrs. Robinson:** _Come on, Doctor. It's the only thing I've got to do all day, you trapped me into a data world!_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** I _ don't understand a thing that's going on but I'm recently chained to a tree in deepest jungle so bloody no, this chatroom stays or I die of boredom! _

**Thief <3: ** _ I can't believe this.... I... Why on earth are you chained to a tree? _

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _ You've been outnumbered. _

**SonicLipstick:** _ Yes, let's focus on the facts here. _

**Thief <3:** _One tree? You're going to save environment while chaining yourself to ONE tree?_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _It's a huge tree_

**Thief <3:** _Oh, it's a huge tree. I'm glad. Now it makes sense._

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _So these are your friends, yeah? All of them?  
_  
 **Thief <3:** __A few of them. The ones the TARDIS can reach, you know? Some of them chain theirselves to trees sometimes and aren't thoughtful enough to take their mobile with them

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _ You really didn't change much, did you? _

**NotRose:** _ Is there... maybe a way to change our names? _

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _I agree... it's a bit weird. For... some people here._

 

_**Coffeeboy69 entered TARDIS** _

 

**Thief <3:** _Yes, I'm not very happy with mine, either. I'll look into it. There must be a setting to change nicknames somewhere...._

_**Thief <3 is afk.** _

**Coffeeboy69:** _I'd appreciate it._

**FaceOfBoe:** _…. Oh._

**Nose:** _Maybe we should introduce ourselves until the Doctor has figured this out.._

_**Thief <3 is no longer afk** _

**Thief <3: ** _ That is a terrible idea _

_**Thief is afk** _

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _Sounds good._

**SonicLipstick:** _ Definetely. _

**Legs:** _Okay, so I start. I'm Amy!_

**Nose:** _Oh and I'm her husband. Rory. Hi._

**Mrs. Robinson:** _River song_.

**Legs:** _Yeah, she's our daughter/ the Doctor's wife. He's our son in law, haha!  
_  
 **Nose:** __It's exactly as weird as it sounds

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _????? _

**FaceOfBoe:** _Now, THIS is getting interesting..._

_**Thief <3 is no longer afk** _

**Thief <3:** I _ 'm doing this for you, too, you know? _

_**Thief <3 is afk** _

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Rose Tyler. Not married to The Doctor. Engaged, though. To... oh. Nevermind, really._

**NotRose:** _I'm Martha. Not Rose, obviously. Not ehm... married to The Doctor either._

**FaceOfBoe:** _No, just to her other ex-boyfriend..._

**NotRose:** _Thank you, Jack._

**FaceOfBoe:** _Captain Jack Harkness. Hello everyone ;)  
_

_**Thief <3 is no longer afk** _

**Thief <3** :  _ STOP IT! _

**Thief <3:** _Oh, sorry. Habits._

_**Thief <3 is afk** _

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _You could just stay active, you know?_

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _Oh. I'm Clara Oswald. Hi. :D_

**SonicLipstick:** I _ 'm Sarah Jane Smith...  _

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _I KNEW it's you, haha! So nice to have a known face in here. Well. You know what I mean!_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _OH! I'm Jo Jones! I'm saving the Amazonas!_

**Legs:** _Don't you say..._

**Nose:** _ Does... does the Amazonas even need saving? _

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _ What do you mean. _

**Nose:** _ Eh... nothing, really. _

**Coffeeboy69:** _ Ianto Jones, not ehm... married to the Doctor, either. I actually don't even know, what I'm doing here. _

**FaceOfBoe:** _ Don't look at me, I've got nothing to do with this _

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Actually... WHY are you called Face Of Boe, Jack.....?_

_**Thief <3 changed his name to The Doctor** _

**The Doctor:** _HAH! Did it!_

_**The Doctor changed his name to Thief <3** _

**Thief <3: ** _ …... I really hate her. _

**Legs:** _No, you don't. You called her Sexy._

**Thief <3:** _AMY! Psht. Shut it._

**SonicLipstick:** _He ALWAYS does that._

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Tell me about it! He was totally obsessed with it back in my time!_

**Thief <3:** _I tried to repair it!_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _ Yeah and it worked as good as changing your name _

**Thief <3:** _Oh! Emergency! Need to save the universe, see you around!_

_**Thief <3 left the chatroom** _

**Mrs. Robinson:** _ He always was a terrible liar. _

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_Coffeeboy69 entered TARDIS  
There are 4 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

 

_**Thief <3 (afk), FaceOfBoe, Mrs. Robinson, Coffeeboy69** _

 

**FaceOfBoe:** _No, but really_

**FaceOfBoe:** _I wouldn't have thought, he was that elastic_

**FaceOfBoe:** _I mean, the Tenth one was pretty skinny, but -_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Oh, hey Ianto! :')  
_

**Coffeeboy69:** _…._

**Coffeeboy69:** _I really don't want to know, do I?_

**Coffeeboy69:** _How... how elastic exactly?_

**Mrs. Robinson:** _Very elastic._

**Coffeeboy69:** _Very elastic. Great. Great._

**Coffeeboy69:** _Ehm... Sir?_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Yeah, I heard it._

**Coffeeboy69:** _You heard the impossibly loud emergency alarm that has been ringing through the HUB for hours? I'm genuinely surprised._

**Coffeeboy69:** _I really don't want to interrupt this unndoubtful very fascinating discussion about how elastic The Doctor is._

_**Thief <3 is no longer afk** _

**Coffeeboy69:** _Oh my...._

**Thief <3: ** _Excuse me??_

**Mrs. Robinson:** _Hello Sweetie. Just been talking about you._

**FaceOfBoe:** _Yes, Ianto has been very interested in...._

**Coffeeboy69:** _JACK_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Okay okay, gotta go, world to save. Don't be naughty without me!_

**Coffeeboy69:** _Thank god_

_**Coffeeboy69 left the chatroom** _

**FaceOfBoe:** _Isn't he cute?_

_**FaceOfBoe left the chatroom** _

**Mrs. Robinson:** _I like him._

**Thief <3: ** _I'm not surprised._

**Mrs. Robinson:** _Why do you never introduce your friends to me?_

**Thief <3:** _You've met Amy and Rory!_

**Mrs. Robinson:** _They're my parents._

**Thief <3: ** _That's really not my fault._

**Mrs. Robinson:** _Actually...._

**Thief <3:** _Gotta go!  
_  
 **Thief <3: **_I think I just crashed...._

**Thief <3:** _By Rassilon. Into you._

_**Thief <3 left the chatroom** _

**Mrs. Robinson:** _What a romantic thing to say..._

_**Mrs. Robinson left the chatroom** _

_**The Master entered the chatroom** _

**The Master:** _Hm._

_**The Master left the chatroom.** _

 

 

 

 

**~ Later that day ~**

 

 

 

_XxUptownGuuurlxX entered tARDIS_

_There are 9 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

 

_**SAVETHEAMAZONAS (afk), NotRose, Brigadier1st, Bad Wolf Girl, TheImpossibleGirl, Thief <3 (afk), FaceOfBoe, CallMeFred, XxUptownGuuurlxX** _

 

**Brigadier1st:** _Okay, I think I understand now_

**Brigadier1st:** _So this is an actual conversation? I am writing with people.. all over the world?_

**CallMeFred:** _And space._

**Brigadier1st:** _This is unbelievable._

_**Thief <3 is no longer afk** _

**Thief <3:** _It's just typical, you know?_

**Thief <3: ** _You couldn't just pick them up in one time, you had to open up a chatroom to a time that hasn't even come to mobile phones yet._

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _What the hell is this?_

**Brigadier1st:** _Who is he talking to?_

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _The TARDIS, if you ask me._

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _WHO ARE YOU?_  
  
**Brigadier1st:** _Doctor, you are a really remarkable man. I understand less and less the more your friends start to explain._

**CallMeFred:** _Is that true? I explained it in my easiest words for three times now. By Rassilon. Earthlings......_

**Thief <3: ** _Romana, is that you?!_

**CallMeFred:** _Romanadvoratrelundar is my name and yes, indeed, it's me._

**FaceOfBoe:** _Oh god, sorry about that.  
_  
 **CallMeFred:** _…._

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _HELLO?! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN? ROSE?_

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Ehm... Who... who exactly are you?_

**Thief <3:** _I have a very bad feeling about this.._

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHO EXACTLY ARE YOU WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, YOUNG LADY?!_

**Thief <3:** _Dear god..._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _M... mum?_

**FaceOfBoe:** _This keeps getting better._

**NotRose:** _Now I'm actually glad, I'm not.... you know?_

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _I'd like to know what's going on here, young lady!_

_**Thief <3 has removed XxUptownGuuurlxX** _

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _ THANK YOU _

**CallMeFred:** _ In the name of all of us. _

**Thief <3: ** _How did she even get here?_

**NotRose:** _And how the hell did she chose a name?_

**Brigadier1st:** _I think... I'd better get to work._

**Brigadier1st:** _afk_

**CallMeFred:** _…. I'll get to that next time._

_**SAVETHEAMAZONAS is no longer afk** _

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Can you believe it?_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _They just cut the trees around me down_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _They just ignored the one I was chained to and cut down the others around me_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _And they laughed at me!!_

**Thief <3:** _They wouldn't!! :O_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _I know, I can't believe this eit...._

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Oh, very funny Doctor._

_**XxUptownGuuurlxX entered TARDIS** _

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _DID YOU JUST KICK ME?!_

**Thief <3:** _I would never._

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _I wasn't talking to you. Who are you anyway?!_

**Thief <3:** _Oh._

**Thief <3:** _No one, really._

**Thief <3:** _Nevermind me._

**CallMeFred:** _He's the Doctor.  
_  
 **TheImpossibleGirl:** _The Doctor._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Doctor, why did you kick my mom?!?!  
_  
 **FaceOfBoe:** _Yes, Doctor, why would you ever?_

**NotRose:** _Rude, Doctor. Rude._

**Thief <3:** _You are aware that I am the one that saves your planet everyday?_

**CallMeFred:** _You burned mine._

**Thief <3: ** _Fair point._

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _I SHOULD'VE KNOWN_

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _IT'S ALWAYS YOU_

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _MY DAUGHTER HASN'T VISITED ME FOR WEEKS_

**Thief <3:** _This chatrooms exists since two days, Jackie._

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _IT'S YOUR FAULT ANYWAY  
_  
 **XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _SINCE THAT WEIRD COPY OF YOU IS MAKING OUT WITH MY DAUGHTER_

_**Thief <3 has removed XxUptownGuuurlxX** _

**Thief <3: ** _We will never talk about this again._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _She's so gonna kill you._

**Thief <3:** _Parallele universe couldn't be far away enough right now._

**NotRose:** _Whatwasshetalkingabout?_

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Lucky you._

_**XxUptownGuuurlxX entered TARDIS** _

**XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _YOU BlOODY …_ _**(censored)  
**_  
 **NotRose:** _Copyofyou? Whatdidshemeanwithcopyofyou?!_

**Thief <3:** _I really don't know how it could get worse than this._

_**The Master entered TARDIS** _

**Thief <3:** _…_.

**Thief <3:** _There are some things I just shouldn't say._

**NotRose:** _WHY DOES HE GET A NORMAL NAME?!_

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entering - The Master!
> 
> And he is very unpopular..... or... is he?  
> (You bet, this ends up in Doctor/Master, because it always does with me & I am not even sorry.)

 

 

_The Master entered TARDIS_

_There are 10 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

**_SAVETHEAMAZONAS, NotRose, Brigadier1st, Bad Wolf Girl, TheImpossibleGirl, Thief <3, FaceOfBoe, CallMeFred, XxUptownGuuurlxX_ **

**Thief <3:** _…_.

 **Thief <3:** _There are some things I just shouldn't say._

 **NotRose:** _WHY DOES HE GET A NORMAL NAME?!_

 **The Master:** _Which one of you is The Doctor?_

 **FaceOfBoe:** _Okay, no way I'm doing this. I had enough of this guy. And I really don't say that often._

**_FaceOfBoe left the chatroom_ **

**NotRose:** _Fair point._

**_NotRose left the chatroom_ **

**The Master:** _I demand to know which one of you is the Doctor._

 **SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Urgh. Not him again._

**_SAVETHEAMAZONAS left the chatroom_ **

**Brigadier1st:** _I can only agree._

**_Brigadier1st left the chatroom_ **

**The Master:** _Why is everyone leaving?_

 **CallMeFred:** _Because of you, I'd assume._

**_CallMeFred left the chatroom_ **

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _Yep._

**_TheImpossibleGirl left the chatroom_ **

**The Master:** _Okay, but which one is The Doctor now?_

 **XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _He is._

 **The Master:** _Oh okay, thanks. That helps. Stupid monkey._

 **XxUptownGuuurlxX:** _Rude! I can see you're friends with that man!_

**_XxUptownGuuurlxX left the chatroom_ **

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Doctor, what is going on, why is everyone leaving?_

 **The Master:** _Which one is The Doctor?_

 **Thief <3:** _I'll give you a clue._

 **Thief <3: ** _There are three people left in this chat._

 **Thief <3:** _One of them is you._

 **Thief <3:** _One of them is called 'Bad Wolf Girl'_

 **Thief <3:** _Now, who do you think could be The Doctor?_

 **The Master:** _…._ _I came to destroy you._

 **Thief <3: ** _Oh, now, that's a change._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _You can't even identifiy him._

 **The Master:** _Quiet, monkey!_

 **Thief <3:** _You really have to stop this. They evolved, you know? They're no monkeys anymore._

 **The Master:** _No, they're human. Which still makes them idiots._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _And you're no human then?_

 **The Master:** _See?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _None of my friends is an idiot._

**_Rickey The Idiot entered TARDIS_ **

**The Master:** _…._

 **Thief <3:** _Now, this is ridiculous._

 **Thief <3:** _He is NOT my friend!_

 **Rickey The Idiot:** _Chatroom TARDIS?_ _Seriously? Rose, are you here?_

 **Thief <3:** _By Rassilon's mighty underwear, what are you doing here, Mickey?_

 **Rickey The Idiot:** _it just opened up out of nothing. I was writing an email._

 **Thief <3:** _Oh, very funny. Really, really funny._

 **Rickey The Idiot:** _I wasn't trying to be funny._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _Yeah I think, he's talking to the TARDIS._

 **The Master:** _I see where the name comes from.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Yeah, it's pretty good, huh?_

 **The Master:** _Very accurate._

 **Rickey The Idiot:** _Rose, is that you?_

 **The Master:** _Now, who's Rose? Your new one, Doctor? What was wrong with Martha Jones?_

 **Rickey The Idiot:** _Will you please leave my wife out of this?_

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _Wait. Your W H A T?!  
_  
**Rickey The Idiot:** _Uh..._

 **Thief <3:** _Oh no._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _YOU. MARRIED. MARTHA???!?  
_  
**The Master:** _Very, very accurate._

 **Rickey The Idiot:** _Yeah...?_

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _MARTHA?!??!  
_  
**Thief <3: **_Okay._

**_Thief <3 removed Bad Wolf Girl and Rickey The Idiot to chatroom Big Bang Three_ **

**The Master:** _This is going to take a while, huh?_

 **Thief <3: ** _You have no idea._

 

 

**~ A few hours later ~**

_Bad Wolf Girl entered TARDIS  
There are 4 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

**_Thief <3, The Master, CallMeFred, Bad Wolf Girl_ **

****

**Thief <3: ** _You can't be serious._

 **The Master:** _Completely serious. I still have some of them._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _Can you believe him?!??!_

 **Thief <3:** _You HAVE to show them to me the next time I spoil your universe domination plans!_

 **CallMeFred:** _You kept my loveletters?_

 **The Master:** _Of course. You never know when you need to humiliate someone._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _He TOTALLY married Martha. After I dumped him. MARTHA._

 **Thief <3:** _I NEED to see them._

 **CallMeFred:** _I was a child!_

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _I mean, I get it, everyone would've been hurt._ _She obviously had a thing for The Doctor. But marrying my Ex, wtf?!_

 **Thief <3:** _You wrote loveletters. To The Master. Nothing you say can make this better._

 **CallMeFred:** _I saw you kissing that night on the lake._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _Wait_

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _What_

 **Thief <3**: _Soooo...._

 **Thief <3:** _Martha and Mickey, huh?_

 **Thief <3:** _Crazy!_

 **Thief <3:** _Crazy, right?_

 **The Master:** _Yeah, I knew you were watching._ _I put on quite a show for you._

 **CallMeFred:** _Can't say it was unexpected, though._ _Gidd was taking bets on when it would finally happen._

 **Thief <3:** _Excuse me?!_

 **The Master:** _Who won?_

 **Thief <3: ** _That was a private moment!_

 **CallMeFred:** _Me._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _O_O_

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _Would someone explain please?_

 **The Master:** _Does it really need saying?_

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _….. Don't say that._

 **The Master:** _Quite right._

 **Bad Wolf Girl:** _…...._

**_Bad Wolf girl left the chatroom_ **

**The Master:** _I'll explain then. We were together during our time in Time Lord Academy, but that idiot left me for his wife._

 **The Master:** _And got divorced afterwards. It was actually quite amusing to watch... Where has she gone?_

 **Thief <3: ** _…. I'll explain later._

 

 

**~ The next day ~**

_Thief <3 entered TARDIS_

_There are 8 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

**_Legs, Nose, Mrs. Robinson, The Master, SonicLipstick, FaceOfBoe, CallMeFred, Thief <3_ **

****

**The Master:** _No but really._

 **The Master:** _It was embarassing._ _He couldn't bring out one straight sentence._

 **FaceOfBoe:** _I don't believe a word of this!_

 **CallMeFred:** _No, it's true, really._ _I was a class under them, but people talked about it all week!_

 **SonicLipstick:** _God, this is hilarious!_

 **Legs:** _Please. More. I'll tease him with that forever._

 **Nose:** _Ehm... guys?_

 **Thief <3:** _I'm actually scared to ask but..._

 **Thief <3:** _What is going on here?_

 **Mrs. Robinson:** _The Master just told us everything about... well, actually, he told us everything._

 **CallMeFred:** _I helped, though._

 **Thief <3:** _The I-Was-In-The-Doctor's-Head-And-Sent-Filthy-Thoughts-While-He-Stood-In-Front-Of-Class-Story,  I suppose?_

 **The Master:** _You suppose right._

 **Thief <3: ** _He exaggerates. He always exaggerates that one. I was perfectly capable of talking AND blocking out these thoughts._

 **The Master:** _You were perfectly capable of none of these two things._

 **Thief <3:** _What... what exactly happened to you not wanting The Master here?!_

 **FaceOfBoe:** _Anecdotes._

 **Mrs. Robinson:** _A lot of them._

 **Legs:** _I love him!_

 **SonicLipstick:** _Never met him, anyway. I have no problem with him!_

 **Legs:** _So same, haha :D Doctor, I think your friends are amazing!_

 **Thief <3: ** _Yeah? Funny you should think so, I'm starting to believe I don't have any._

 **The Master:** _Oh now, don't be dramatic, Doctor._

 **Thief <3:** _Why are you even here? I thought my friends were monkeys and you wanted to destroy me?_

 **The Master:** _I believe, I am destroying you._

 **The Master:** _They're actually quite alright._

 **The Master:** _For monkeys, I mean._

 **Legs:** _You said, all Timelords were dead_

 **Legs:** _You didn't mention him!_

 **Nose:** _Yeah, or... uh..._

 **Nose:**   _Romanadvoratrelundar_

 **Legs:** _Omg, he literally wrote her name down in a document._

 **Nose:** _AMY._

 **Legs:** _What? It's cute._

 **Thief <3:** _You can call her Romana, that's just fine._

 **CallMeFred:** _No, it's not._

 **Thief <3:** _Really, she doesn't mind._

 **CallMeFred:** _Yes, I do._

 **Thief <3:** _And I didn't mention Romana because I left her in E-Space_

 **CallMeFred:** _Romanadvoratrelundar._

 **Thief <3:** _It's like a parallele world. I can't really enter it._

 **Thief <3:** _Considered her gone. Either that or Gallifrey, really, there was no way to see her again._

 **CallMeFred:** _I'm still in E-Space, actually. Seemed to be the right choice, after what happened on Gallifrey._

 **Thief <3:** _Maybe this chat isn't that bad after all. It's actually really nice to talk to all my friends again._

 **The Master:** _What, you never mentioned me to your mother in law? I'm hurt. They should know who destroyed your first marriage._

 **Mrs. Robinson:** _What was that?_

 **FaceOfBoe:** _You know, Doctor... I always knew you weren't straight._

 **Thief <3:** _Forget I said anything._

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some catching up, there's some bonding... Some attempts to bond. And something a bit more than bonding, since Jack is in the (chat)room!

 

_Thief <3 entered TARDIS  
There are 3 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

**_FaceOfBoe, CoffeeBoy69, Thief <3_ **

****

**FaceOfBoe:** _I take your hard cock in my hands..._

**_Thief <3 left the chatroom_ **

**CoffeeBoy69:** _JACK_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Oops_

**_Thief <3 entered TARDIS_ **

**Thief <3: ** _Seriously. You're working together. Why do you have to do this here?_

**CoffeeBoy69:** _It's my free day._

**Thief <3:** _Unbelievable...._

**_Thief <3 removed FaceOfBoe and CoffeeBoy69 to chatroom Big Bang Four_ **

****

                                              

                              

                                               **~ Very, very, very much later that day ~**

_There are 3 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

**_FaceOfBoe, Bad Wolf Girl, Thief <3_ **

****

**FaceOfBoe:** _Seems like your Torchwood is much of a bigger deal than mine._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _I handle. My team's pretty good, and seriously: What could go wrong, we've got our version of The Doctor._

**Thief <3:** _Hah, you don't need him to save the world. But he sure as hell needs you._

**FaceOfBoe:** _Where's my copy of you, Doctor?_

**Thief <3:** _Oh, shut up, you!_

**FaceOfBoe:** _I don't want one anyway. I know my luck. He would totally fancy the Master._

**Thief <3: ** _But look at you two, really. Saving the Earth! Good old Team TARDIS!_

**BadWolfGirl:** _You totally changed subject here._

**FaceOfBoe:** _Pssht. I don't care, I never get any appreciaton out of him._

**Thief <3: ** _Now, that's not true!_

**Thief <3: ** _…. Yeah, it is. Sorry._

**Thief <3:** _You're doing good, Jack._

**Thief <3:** _Seriously._

**Thief <3: ** _He's not pouting now, is he? That's just childish._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Maybe you just have to try harder._

**Thief <3:** _Alright, Jack._

**Thief <3**: _I'm really, really proud of you and your work. Really. Earth would be really lost without you._

**Thief <3:** _How was that?_

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Good, not akward at all. Really... Really. Really..._

**Thief <3:** _Okay, got it._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _… really good._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Really!_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Oh, sorry. Ianto just came and... uh... came. But thanks anyway ;)  
_  
**FaceOfBoe:** _Really._

**_FaceOfBoe is afk_ **

**Thief <3:** _….._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** __**  
**

**_NotRose entered TARDIS_ **

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Oh look, it's not me_

**NotRose:** _Okay, why has Mickey been crying, like a whole day?_

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Huh? Who knows... Maybe regretting his life choices._

**NotRose:** _Excuse. Me?_

**_JustATemp entered TARDIS_ **

**JustATemp:** _Okay, I get it now!_

**JustATemp:** _This is about this application I sent._

**JustATemp:** _You're checking whether I have social skills or not_

**JustATemp:** _Tell you what. I am the socialest person you'll ever meet!!!_

**JustATemp:** _Is that a word??_  
  
**JustATemp:** _I mean, of course it is a word, I know all words!_

**JustATemp:** _Oh, my phone is ringing. SEE HOW SOCIAL I AM?_

**_JustATemp is afk_ **

**_The Master entered TARDIS  
_**  
**The Master:** _Hello Doctor._

**The Master:** _Ignoring me, are you?_

**The Master:** _I don't mind._

**The Master:** _Really. I don't._

**_The Master left the chatroom_ **

**_JustATemp is no longer afk_ **

**JustATemp:** _Did I miss something? Anyway, as I said....  
_  
**JustATemp:** _I AM THE PERFECT CHOICE FOR YOU!  
_  
**NotRose:** _Guess, I'm really not the one regretting life choices right now..._

**Thief <3:** _…._

**JustATemp:** _What was that?_

**Thief <3:** _You get the job. We'll call you back._

**JustATemp:** _Omg!!! I need to tell my mum right away, she'll NEVER believe me!_

**JustATemp left the chatroom**

**NotRose:** _Okay, that was rude._

**Thief <3: ** _When she remembers me, her head explodes._

**NotRose:** _Okay. Not so rude then._

**Thief <3:** _Finally some peace in here...._

**_The Master entered TARDIS  
_**  
**The Master:** _Okay, I got it!!_

**The Master:** _You must be a thief, because you stole my dematerialisation_ _circuit._

**Thief <3: ** _That was ages ago._

**The Master:** _It still hurts._

**The Master:** _By the way, did it hurt when you fell out of Gallifrey because of your constant intervention?_

**Thief <3:** _Very funny._

**The Master:** _My hearts burn with my love for you. Oh no. It's Earth._

**Thief <3:** _Shut up, Kosch._

**The Master:** _...Haven't heard that in a while._

**Thief <3:** _Don't be smug now._

**The Master:** _I'm never._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know how to sum it up, as it starts to disturb me myself. Don't know where it's heading to, but it's too much fun to stop. xD

 

_Thief <3 entered TARDIS_

_There are 16 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

**_Mrs. Robinson, The Master, SAVETHEAMAZONAS, CallMeFred, SonicLipstick, Bad Wolf Girl, Nose, Legs, NotRose, JustATemp, FaceOfBoe, Coffeeboy69, TheImpossibleGirl, Brigadier1st, Sexy, Thief <3_ **

****

****

**Thief <3: ** _Woah. What is going on here?_

**Mrs. Robinson:** _You're late. As usual._

**Thief <3:** _Oh well, of course. Please excuse my constant attempts to save the universe. I will leave it now, shall I?_

**The Master:** _I'd appreciate it._

**Sexy:** _Liar, liar._

**Thief <3:** _…. Is that... you?_

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _It's the TARDIS. Isn't that cool?!_

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _Still not so sure about that...._

**Sexy:** _No problem, I can kick you out of this chatroom in a second._

**TheImpossibleGirl:** Y _ou already shut me out of yourself at any possible chance!_

**Sexy:** _Well, not without any reason, have I?!_

**Thief <3: ** _Ladys? Relax._

**NotRose:** _So you're the TARDIS? For real?_

**JustATemp:** _I really have no idea what you're all talking about... You're all mad._

**Brigadier1st:** _I agree._

**CallMeFred:** _Earthlings._

**The Master:** _Monkeys..._

**SonicLipstick:** _I think it's pretty cool. Never talked to the TARDIS before._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _I have. Well. Kind of._

**Sexy:** _Good to hear from you again. <3_

**Thief <3: ** _You really got a thing for heart emojis..._

**NotRose:** _Which reminds me: I'd really like to change my name!_

**Sexy:** _No._

**NotRose:** _What? Why?_

**Sexy:** _Well, you are not Rose, are you?_

**NotRose:** _The others aren't either..._

**Sexy:** _But I don't feel like the others need a reminder of that..._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _:D_

**NotRose:** _...  
_  
**Sexy:** _Anyone else wants to complain?_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _No sweetie, I love it here!_

**Legs:** _Me too! We missed The Doctor like hell! Didn't we, Rory?_

**Nose:** _…. Yeah._

**FaceOfBoe:** _Totally fine with all of it._

**Sexy:** _…. DOCTOR?_

**Thief <3:** _Wouldn't dare to even dream of it._

**Thief <3:** _Actually..._

**Thief <3:** _Did you have to bring The Master?  
_  
**The Master:** _HEY_

**The Master:** _So rude._

**The Master:** _I will destroy you!_

**Thief <3: ** _You're chatting. With my friends. For days._

**The Master:** _It's a long game. Very slow destruction._

**Sexy:** _Okay, as I can see, there are absolutely no complaints. I'll leave you to it then.  
_  
**Sexy:** _And he didn't save anything, he was just ruining his tea with too much sugar._

**Thief <3:** _I happen to like my tea like that._

**The Master:** _He always liked sweet where I prefered rough._

**Legs:** _OMG :D_

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _TMI!_

**Thief <3: ** _…._

**JustATemp:** _That's just it, I'll be going!_

**Sexy:** _Stay inside, the sky will break open tonight._

**JustATemp:** _Oh, will it? Lovely. Sure it will._

**JustATemp:** _Don't you think I knew about a storm warning today, Lady Crazy?_

**Sexy:** _I'm pretty sure you'd most probably miss it._

**JustATemp:** _Oi! Shut up. I'll go NOW!  
_  
**_JustATemp left the chatroom_**

**Thief <3:** _The.... the sky breaks open, huh?_

**Thief <3: ** _…._

**Thief <3:** _I was really looking forward to that cup of tea._

**_Thief <3 left the chatroom_ **

**Sexy:** _See ya!_

**Sexy:** _Will see ya!  
_  
**Sexy:** _Seen ya!  
_  
**Sexy:** _Complicated._

**_Sexy left the chatroom_ **

**Brigadier1st:** _Funny. It looks sunny today._

**CallMeFred:** _…._

**CallMeFred:** _Let's talk about time travel._

**~ Quite a lot of explanations later ~**

**The Master:** _Are you two quite finished?_

**CallMeFred:** _I should think so._

**Brigadier1st:** _Yes, I think I understand now.. Time traveling. Fascinating._

**The Master:** _Good, there is something else I'd like to discuss._

**Legs:** _Cool, what's up?_

**CallMeFred:** _I think I already now. It's soon, isn't it?_

**The Master:** _Three days from now._

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _What is?_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Yes, please let us not-Timelords in._

**The Master:** _The correct term is 'monkeys'._

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _I'm pretty familiar with monkeys, you know._

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Just saying, I know what they really are like._

**The Master:** _I'm sure you are, Miss Grant._

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Ehm. It's Mrs. Jones, thank you._

**NotRose:** _HEY, cool, I'm a Jones too._

**Coffeeboy69:** _…. So am I._

**FaceOfBoe:** _This really brings me to ideas...._

**SonicLipstick:** _Geez. Guys. I think The Master was trying to tell us something!_

**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Yes. And I decided not to listen!!_

**CallMeFred:** _Understandable. It's about The Doctor though._

**Mrs. Robinson:** _Do tell._

**The Master:** _His birthday is coming up._

**Legs:** _Oy!  
_  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** _Cool!_

**Brigadier1st:** _….._

**Brigadier1st:** _Eh..h.. Romana?_

**CallMeFred:** _Oh dear._

**CallMeFred:** _Alright, it's different on Gallifrey, it works with timetravel, PLEASE don't make me explain._

**The Master:** _Just tell him you'll explain later, The Doctor does that all the time._

**SonicLipstick:** _True._

**NotRose:** _Urgh. I hate it._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Yeah? Well, I don't._

**NotRose:** _… of course you don't._

**FaceOfBoe:** _Ladys please._

**FaceOfBoe:** _You know that I only want cat fights when I can watch._

**SonicLipstick:** _So you thought of planning something for him?_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Elegant topic-switch._

**SonicLipstick:** _:)_

**The Master:** _The only thing I came up with is not trying to dominate the universe for the day._

**The Master:** _Well. Either that or sex._

**The Master:** _He wouldn't appreciate either properly._

**TheImpossibleGirl:** _Ugh._

**CallMeFred:** _You know, my birthday is in a few weeks, too...._

**Legs:** _Double-Ugh!_

**NotRose:** _No self-respect...._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Yeah, you gotta talk._

**NotRose:** _Excuse me?_

**FaceOfBoe:** _Still can't watch..._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Nothing, nothing. How's my Ex? No, not The Doctor. The one you could have._

**Mrs. Robinson:** _Ouch._

**Coffeeboy69:** _Sarah Jane? Now would be a good time._

**SonicLipstick:** _Sorry. I'm running out of ideas._

**FaceOfBoe:** _I don't mind.._

**Coffeeboy69:** _…_

**_Thief <3 entered TARDIS_ **

**Coffeeboy69:** _Could we PLEASE prevent The Master from fucking The Doctor before we tear each other apart? -.-_

**Thief <3: ** _I tend to agree._

**Coffeeboy69:** _…_

**Coffeeboy69:** _Why does this only ever happen to me?_

**_Coffeeboy69 left the chatroom_ **

**FaceOfBoe:** _Awww, he's blushing._

**FaceOfBoe:** _Gotta go, guys!_

**_FaceOfBoe left the chatroom_ **

**Thief <3: ** _Would someone.... explain?_

**Thief <3:** _Please?_

**Thief <3:** _Pleaselettherebenormalexplanation._

**The Master:** _Perfectly normal. We were just debating whether or not we should have sex._

**Thief <3:** _Gotta go._

**NotRose:** _What? You just came!_

**The Master:** _Or rather didn't._

**Bad Wolf Girl:** _Needy!_

**Thief <3:** _Yeah sorry. Just looking for some sky to break open so I'll have to fix it again!_

**_Thief <3 left the chatroom_ **

**CallMeFred:** _Good job, Master. Now we can keep on planning!  
_  
**The Master:** _Yes._

**The Master:** _Yes. That was my intention!  
_  
**The Master:** _I'm a criminal mastermind!_

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of relationship drama & some mention of Thirteen, because I just couldn't leave it. But mostly, it's relationship drama. The kind you can only have with the Master.

 

_Thief <3 entered TARDIS  
There are 7 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
**The Master, SAVETHEAMAZONAS, Brigadier1st, CallMeFred, TheImpossibleGirl, FaceOfBoe, Thief <3**  
  
_

**FaceOfBoe:** _He called them Toffifee or something like that… And sent them out to destroy all humans.  
  
_ **The Master:** _Only a third of them. Always exaggerating, Captain.  
  
_ **SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _He killed people with a plastic chair once…  
  
_ **FaceOfBoe:** _Okay, that is just ridiculous.  
  
_ **The Master:** _Ridiculous is only that it worked.  
  
_ **CallMeFred:** _He does have a point.  
  
_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _Well, she was a bitch in my time. A snorting bitch, but still…  
  
_ **SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _…. SHE???  
  
_ **Brigadier1st:** _I don’t think I understand. He disguised himself as a woman?  
  
_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _No. No, I’m pretty sure she WAS a_ _woman. Doctor, help me out here!  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Oh my. That’s gonna take a while.  
  
_ **Brigadier1st:** _Yes, well, I imagine I know the Master pretty well and I am fairly sure, he isn’t a woman.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _You’ve seen me change several times, Brigadier. Is it that hard to believe he could do the same?  
  
_ **Brigadier1st:** _… You can do… that?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Already done it.  
  
_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _What  
  
_ **FaceOfBoe:** _Wait.. what?  
  
_ **SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _WhAt???  
  
_ **Brigadier1st:** _Ah. Remarkable.  
  
_ **The Master:** _….  
  
_ **The Master:** _Excuse me.  
  
**The Master has left the chatroom  
**  
_ **CallMeFred:** _Where is he going?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Stalking my timeline, I assume.  
  
_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _Oh now, that`s a change.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Well, I gue…. UAAAH.  
  
_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _What_ _? What is going on?  
  
_ **FaceOfBoe:** _Doctor, are you alright?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Quite alright, I assure you my dear Jack._ _Don’t worry about me.  
  
_ **FaceOfBoe:** _… My dear Jack?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _….  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _It’s the Master, he just walked in here and groped my breast.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Well._ _He isn’t a woman now, in case you were wondering.  
  
_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _… Thanks for the update.  
  
_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _How did he get in there anyway?_ _I thought no one could enter the TARDIS without your permission?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Eh…  
  
_ **FaceOfBoe:** _Well, if that was true it would’ve spared us a lot of trouble.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _I have his permission.  
  
_ **FaceOfBoe:** _…  
  
_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _… Doctor?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Yeah, I… kinda…  
  
_ **FaceOfBoe:** _And I thought last time might have brought you to change your security protocols.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Well, I didn’t think that was necessary, quite frankly.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _You know, him being dead and all.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _How many times have I died since you know me?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Why are we talking over a chat when you’re standing right next to me?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _To emberass you, naturally. How many times?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Fine._ _Fine. 49 and a half.  
  
_ **Thief <3** _: Master?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _You’re alright?  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Why, yes I counted but… Oh, we’re not doing that chat thing anymore.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Oh. OH, we’re doing this now. Alright.  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _We’ll be ba…-  
  
**Thief <3 has left the chatroom  
  
**_ **TheImpossibleGirl:** _… Tell me, they’re not doing what I think they’re doing.  
  
_ **FaceOfBoe:** _I honestly wish I could.  
  
_ **Brigadier1st:** _I don’t understand. Romana?  
  
_ **CallMeFred:** _Oh no… no. I won’t explain you THAT._

****

**_~ Several hours later _~__ **

 

 _**  
  
** _ _There are 3 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
**Brigadier1st, CallMeFred, FaceOfBoe**_

  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** _No, but really.  
  
_**FaceOfBoe:** _I’ve ALWAYS wanted to meet a Time Lady.  
  
_**FaceOfBoe:** _I bet you’re reaaaally lovely.  
  
**Thief <3 entered TARDIS**  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Oh no.  
  
_**Thief <3:** _No. STOP IT.  
  
_**FaceOfBoe:** _….  
  
**The Master entered TARDIS**  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Oh, by Rassilon, can’t you just stay away?  
  
_**The Master:** _Oh, of course, sorry for bothering you, is this your chatroom now?  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Well, actually it is.  
  
_**The Master:** _Well, TOUGH, the TARDIS invited me as well. So I guess I’M ALLOWED.  
  
_**Thief <3:** _You’re being ridiculous.  
  
_**The Master:** _Oh, am I, REALLY?  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Yes, no matter what the situation, there is no need for capslock.  
  
_**The Master:** _Well, but what if I happen TO LIKE CAPSLOCK, WHAT R UGOIN TO DO?  
  
_**Thief <3:** _… Master? Are you alright?  
  
_**The Master:** _HOWEVER WOULD I NOT BE?!  
  
_**Thief <3:** _You were using short forms…?  
  
_**The Master:** _U RLLY HAVE TO STOP THINKING MY WHOLE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU, YOU KNOW?!?  
  
_**Thief <3:** _… You never use short forms, you are the most british person I know.  
  
_**The Master:** _DID YOU HEAR THAT? U ALL HEARD THAT?! HE IS INSULTING ME NOW.  
  
**The Master left the chatroom**  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Master, come back!  
  
**Thief <3:** I didn’t mean it!  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Master… I’m worried about you, please…?  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Oh, by Rassilon’s mighty underwear WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SUCH A STUBBORN IDIOT  
  
**Thief <3 left the chatroom**  
  
_**FaceOfBoe:** _…. ???  
  
_**CallMeFred:** _And this, dear Brigadier, this is the reason people end up dead when these two collide.  
  
_**Brigadier1st:** _Can’t we just blow them up?_ _  
_  
  
  
  
                                                                                                 _**~ Late that night ~**_

 _**  
  
** _ _  
There are 2 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
**The Master, JustATemp**  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _You know, it’s unbelieveable.  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _He simply never changes.  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _We had a perfectly lovely time in bed.  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _Yeah, I reeeeeally don’t need to know that…  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _And he just goes and destroys it all.  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _I mean, he’s my future boss, I wouldn’t want to know, really.  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _He didn’t even let let me tie him up.  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _OH FOR GOD’S SAKE  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _DON’T SHOUT AT ME WOMAN  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _I CAN SMASH YOUR MOST IMPORTANT ORGANS INTO SOUP  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _I CAN TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS DOCTOR FROM YOU AND CONQUER YOUR TINY LITTLE PLANET  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _YOU CAN’T EVEN FUCKING TIE HIM UP.  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _YOU CAN’T EVEN HAVE A FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _YOU’VE BEEN WHINING ABOUT THAT MAN FOR HOURS. I AM GETTING A HEADACHE BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID, CONSTANT WHINING  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _JUST TALK TO HIM. HIM. HIM!!!  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _ALL I WANTED TO KNOW WAS WHEN TO COME TO WORK!_

 _**JustATemp left the chatroom** _ _  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _…_ _No need to shout at me, really.  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _That’s rather rude.  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _I do have feelings.  
  
_ _**The Master:** _ _People always forget, that just because I kill, threathen and abuse them emotionally, I do have two hearts._

_  
  
  
                                                                                    **~ Exceptionally late that night ~  
  
**_

__

_There is 1 user in chatroom TARDIS:_

_**Thief <3 (afk: Waiting for the Master…)  
** _ _  
**JustATemp entered TARDIS**  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _Oh boss, thank God, finally!  
  
_ _**JustATemp:** _ _I’ve been trying to talk to you all night, but there was just this creepo-Master guy and…  
  
**Thief <3 is no longer afk  
  
**_ _**Thief <3:** _ _The MAster was here??!!  
  
_ _**Thief <3:** _ _What did he say?  
  
_ _**Thief <3:** _ _Did he talk about me?  
  
_ _**Thief <3:** _ _I bet he talked about me, he always talks about me!  
  
_ _**Thief <3:** _ _Does he have a plan yet? I hope he doesn’t involve the Rani again, after our last break up that ended up worse for him than for me…  
  
_ _**Thief <3:** _ _But then again, it usually does. His plans always backfire, you see?  
  
_ **JustATemp:** _… Yeah I…  
  
_ **JustATemp:** _I quit.  
  
**JustATemp left the chatroom  
**  
_ **Thief <3:** _… Donna?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is honestly developing some plot and I swear, I am just as surprised as you are.

 

_NotRose entered TARDIS  
There are 4 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
_

_Thief <3, TheImpossibleGirl, Bad Wolf Girl, NotRose_

_  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** It was hilarious, I swear. Three of them and not one tried the door.  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** I wish I had seen this. It’s so typical.  
  
**Thief <3:** Oh yeah? Well, you gotta talk, Miss I-didn’t-notice-my-boyfriend-was-replaced-by-a-plastic-doll!  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** Hey, that’s unfair! I was new!  
  
**NotRose:** *coughs*  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** He’s gotta talk, he was confused by me existing all throughout his timeline for ages.  
  
**Thief <3: **Yeah, silly me. Who’d be confused by that.  
  
**NotRose:** Hello Doctor.  
  
**Thief <3:** Hey Martha  
  
**Thief <3:** Oh but Clara! Remember that time you thought you were throwing my TARDIS keys into a vulcano?  
  
**NotRose:** Don’t ignore me, Doctor.  
  
**Thief <3:** I didn’t ignore you, I said hi.  
  
**NotRose:** Yes, well, very half-heartedly. This isn’t how you’d usually greet me, is it?  
  
**Thief <3:** Actually… it is…?  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** … What the hell is up with her now?  
  
**NotMartha:** Nothing. It’s nothing, really. Just… wanted to chat with the Doctor a bit? Alone?  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** O… kay?  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** No problem… oô  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl changed to chatroom My Doctor and I are getting married next weekend**_

**_TheImpossibleGirl:_ ** _Ehm..  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** I’ll… follow her.  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Just announcing that to make clear, I’m not gonna marry anyone._

**_TheImpossibleGirl changed to chatroom My Doctor and I are getting married next weekend_ **

**_Thief <3:_ ** _So.. eh.. What’s up, Martha?  
  
**NotRose:** I love you.  
  
**NotRose:** Doctor?  
  
**NotRose:** Are you still there?  
  
**NotRose:** DOCTOR.  
  
**Thief <3:** Sorry, it’s just…  
  
**Thief <3:** I mean, I knew, but didn’t we kind of… ignore that?  
  
**Thief <3:** I’m sure we used to, I mean…  
  
**Thief <3:** Aren’t you married to eh… Rickey?  
  
**NotRose:** Now, that’s just rude, don’t you think?  
  
**Thief <3:** Well, no, yes, I don’t know, is it? it’s just…  
  
**NotRose:** All I want is some love, Doctor.  
  
**Thief <3:** Yes but… You know, it’s… I… it’s not.. You’re married, Martha. And I’m really not the right man for you.  
  
**NotRose:** Oh, my dear Doctor. You don’t mean that.  
  
**Thief <3:** Did you just ‚Dear Doctor‘ me?  
  
**NotRose:** Is that a problem?  
  
**Thief <3:** You don’t dear Doctor me. You never dear Doctor me, you…  
  
**Thief <3:** MASTER.  
  
**Thief <3:** YOU HACKED MARTHA‘S ACCOUNT?!  
  
**Thief <3:** … You really need to tell me, how you did that.  
  
**Thief <3:** I really want to change Martha’s and mine usern…_

**_NotRose left the chatroom_ **

**_Thief <3:_ ** _I just ALWAYS end up talking to myself, don’t I?  
  
  
_

**_~ Several hours later ~  
  
_ **

****

_There are 2 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
Thief <3, SonicLipstick  
  
_

**_SonicLipstick:_ ** _I always said he had a thing for you, you know?  
  
**SonicLipstick:** The Brig and I actually took bets on it.  
  
**SonicLipstick:** Benton used to say you two were a couple.  
  
**SonicLipstick:** But then again… I was sure Benton and the Brig were a couple as well.  
  
**Thief <3:** Well, we weren’t a couple.  
  
**Thief <3:** Okay, maybe a bit.  
  
**Thief <3:** A very dysfunctional, long-time over couple, and one part of the couple tries to kill the other and destroy the whole universe while he’s at it.  
  
**Thief <3:** You know, that sort of a couple.  
  
**SonicLipstick:** Maybe you should’ve just bought him flowers or something.  
  
**Thief <3:** Yeah sure. Flowers could’ve fixed it. Why didn’t I think of this? FLOWERS.  
  
**SonicLipstick:** Well, why not? If he’s so desperate for some attention, he actually goes and hacks the account of someone you rejected that much, it drove her into marrying Rose‘ Ex.  
  
**Thief <3:** That’s not what this was!  
  
**Thief <3:** OKAY maybe it is. What do I do?  
  
**SonicLipstick:** What did you say? After you figured out it was him who just confessed his love to you?  
  
**Thief <3:** …   
  
**Thief <3:** I asked him to change Martha’s username…?  
  
**SonicLipstick:** Great. Just great. And who is he gonna take this out on? Earth again!  
  
**Thief <3:** I.. I’ll just talk to him next time he comes in. I’ll wait here.  
  
**SonicLipstick:** Sure. Sure, you do that… Meanwhile, I’ll call my son home from college. Better to have him around when the Master tries to take over the universe. Again.  
  
**Thief <3:** …. That’s probably a good idea, yeah.  
  
  
**SonicLipstick left the chatroom  
  
Thief <3 is afk (Master, I’m sorry, please don’t destroy Earth)**_

_**~ Later that night (the universe was doing just fine, earth got a bit  
                                                                            invaded, but the Doctor settled that) ~**_

****

****

_FaceOfBoe entered TARDIS  
There are 2 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
Thief <3 **(afk: Master, I’m sorry, please don’t try to destroy Earth… again)** , FaceOfBoe_

_  
**FaceOfBoe:** Hello Doctor.  
  
**Thief <3 is no longer afk**  
  
**Thief <3:** Oh… it’s you.  
  
**Thief <3:** Hello Jack. You’re alright?  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Sure, thanks. What about you?  
  
**Thief <3:** Oh you know, same old, same old.  
  
**Thief <3:** Actually.  
  
**Thief <3:** Someone ever told you, they’d love you?  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** On daily basis.  
  
**Thief <3:** Oh. Yes. Yes, quite right. What… what… what do you answer to that?  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Eh. I don’t know. Depends on whether you love them back or not, doesn’t it?  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Why, what did you say?  
  
**Thief <3:** Actually… ehm… You know…  
  
**Thief <3:** Nothing.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** … Nothing?  
  
**Thief <3:** Yeah. Nothing.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Okay. Don’t… don’t do that.  
  
**Thief <3:** You never said nothing to that?  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** No, wouldn’t dream of it, really. That’s just… really, really.. Rude. And makes them feel so insecure. And is just… You don’t do that.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Just imagine.. One day they’ll die, having told you they love you… and you said nothing!  
  
**Coffeeboy69 entered TARDIS  
**  
**Coffeeboy69:** Oh hey, am I interrupting something?  
  
**Thief <3:** No, no, don’t worry about it.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** You should definitely talk to the person, you know? Make it up to them.  
  
**Thief <3:** Yes, yes, I’ve been trying that all day. But he just doesn’t want to talk, instead he kinda tried to destroy Earth with a computer virus and began singing whenever I tried to talk.  
  
**Coffeeboy69:** Wow, that’s childish.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** I don’t know if it’s thaaat childish, I mean, he was clearly hurt.  
  
**Coffeeboy69:** Eh… Jack?  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Yes?  
  
**Coffeeboy69:** How can you be writing something here, while you’re sitting across me, drinking coffee?  
  
**FaceOfBoe left the chatroom  
  
Coffeeboy69:** Okay.  
  
**Coffeeboy69:** The childish one, I assume?  
  
**Thief <3:** … Yeah that. That was… That probably was him, yeah.  
  
**Coffeeboy69:** Doctor. Jack here. Just one tiny little request, really, tiny. SETTLE THINGS WITH THE MASTER.  
  
_

**_~ Early the next morning ~_ **

****

_Thief <3 entered TARDIS  
There are 15 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
Sexy, Legs, Nose, Mrs. Robinson, TheImpossibleGirl, Bad Wolf Girl, SAVETHEAMAZONAS, NotRose, RickeyTheIdiot, FaceOfBoe, Coffeeboy69, SonicLipstick, Brigadier1st, CallMeFred, Thief<3  
  
**Sexy removed Thief <3 from TARDIS  
Thief<3 entered TARDIS  
Sexy removed Thief<3 from TARDIS  
Thief<3 entered TARDIS  
Sexy removed Thief<3 from TARDIS  
Sexy banned Thief<3 from TARDIS  
The Master entered TARDIS**_

**_The Master:_ ** _Okay, what is going on here?  
  
**The Master:** If you think it’s funny to make my TARDIS stalk me with this silly chat thing, you’re wrong.  
  
**The Master:** I’ve been trying to take over the universe all night and all that stupid thing would do is open this chat over and over again.  
  
**The Master:** SO WHAT IS IT?  
  
**Sexy:** This is an intervention.  
  
**The Master:** What?  
  
**CallMeFred:** An intervention.  
  
**The Master:** Yes, why, thank you, you don’t need to write it again, you know? I can just scroll.  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** It‘s because we all agree, your obsession with the Doctor is getting really unhealthy.  
  
**The Master:** Excuse me?  
  
**NotRose:** Hmpf.  
  
**Rickey The Idiot:** Yes, and if you hack my wife one more time and make her confess her love to the Doctor, I swear, it’ll get even more unhealthy for you.  
  
**The Master:** I’m terrified.  
  
**Nose:** It’s really not normal, you know. You need to get over him.  
  
**The Master:** You all see it like that?  
  
**Brigadier1st:** Absolutely.  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** Yes.  
  
**Legs:** I’m sure it’s better for you, you know? Move on, live your life, let my daughter keep her husband…  
  
**The Master:** Ridiculous.  
  
**Sexy:** Your TARDIS agrees.  
  
**The Master:** My Tardis…. Doesn’t… she… What?!  
  
**Sexy:** And she promised she’d stuck you on Earth for as long as you still chase after the Doctor.  
  
**The Master:** Earth…?  
  
**Sexy:** She also says she can help you with your next regeneration.  
  
**The Master:** I don’t understand…  
  
**Sexy:** You know, influence it a bit. Make you…. Bigger.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Got it :D  
  
**Sexy:** No, no, really. Bigger. He’s always been smaller than the Doctor in every incarnation.  
  
**Sexy:** Your TARDIS said you had… to struggle with that.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** :D  
  
**The Master** : That’s just… that…  
  
**Sexy:** Besides.  
  
**Sexy:** She also told me about what the Keller Machine showed.  
  
**Sexy:** You know…. Your greatest fear?  
  
**The Master:** Okay. All right. I’ll let it go. I will.  
  
**The Master:** Where is the coward anyway?  
  
**Sexy added Thief <3 to the chatroom  
  
Thief<3:** Now, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!  
  
**The Master:** I don’t like you and I will destroy you.  
  
**Thief <3:** oh that’s..  
  
**Thief <3:** So we’re… okay? Arch enemies again?  
  
**The Master:** Yes.  
  
**Thief <3:** Okay. Thanks. Lovely!  
  
**The Master:** You’re welcome. Have a terrible day.  
**  
The Master left the chatroom**_

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little crack author wants to point out, she really likes the Sixth Doctor, oh she does...  
> Just... for no reason at all. It's not like he gets bashed in this chapter or something. :')  
> Wouldn't dream of it.  
> (I am also absolutely #TeamGoatee !)

 

 

_Thief <3 entered TARDIS  
There are 5 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
  
**SAVETHEAMAZONAS, The Master, Brigadier1st, FaceOfBoe (afk: Doing Ianto), Thief <3**_

  
**_SAVETHEAMAZONAS_** _: So, you still have that rubbish beard?  
  
**The Master:** My beard is not rubbish.  
  
**Brigadier1st:** Well…  
  
**The Master:** Doctor.   
  
**Thief <3:** Oh come on, you can’t possibly think I’d jump into defence for your beard.  
  
**The Master:** …  
  
**Thief <3:** You think I like your beard? Seriously?  
  
**The Master:** Your Sixth incarnation. All I’m saying.  
  
**Thief <3**: …  
  
**Thief <3:** Love the beard.   
  
**Thief <3:** Leave alone the beard.   
  
**Thief <3:** Beautiful beard.  
  
**Thief <3:** Goatee 4 life  
  
**Brigadier1st:** Okay, now I need to know.  
  
**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** Me too. What WAS his sixth incarnation?  
  
**Thief <3:** Please don’t.  
  
**The Master:** I won’t tell them. Believe me, I’d rather people don’t know what I snogged.  
  
**FaceOfBoe is no longer afk**  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Someone said ‘snogging’?  
  
**The Master:** To be precise, I said ‘snogged’.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Your beard’s ugly.  
  
**The Master:** You don’t know my beard.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** I don’t need to, it’s ugly.  
  
**The Master:** His coat had three different colours……  
  
**Thief <3:** HIS BEARD IS NOT UGLY  
  
**The Master** : Why, thank you, Doctor. I didn’t know you like it that much! :)  
  
**Brigadier1st:** He really hasn’t changed much, has he?  
  
**The Master:** More than you think.  
  
**The Master:** For once, I don’t have the beard anymore._

_  
  
_

**_~ Later that night ~  
  
  
  
_ ** _Thief <3 entered TARDIS  
There are 4 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

_  
**Bad Wolf Girl, The Master, TheImpossibleGirl, Thief <3**_

****

**_Thief <3:_ ** _That was ridiculous. Just ridiculous.  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:**?  
  
**Thief <3:** What on earth were you thinking?  
  
**The Master:** Nothing on Earth, I assure you.  
  
**Thief <3**: …  
  
**Thief <3:** People love cats. That was low. Very low.  
  
**The Master:** I love cats, too. I was one once, remember?  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** He attacked cats?  
  
**Thief <3:** He attacked WITH cats. Pure little kitties. They nearly scratched my eyes out!  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Doesn’t sound too pure.  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Wait  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** What does he mean, he was a cat once?  
  
**Thief <3:** Long story. Would tell but gotta dash. HE HID ONE INSIDE MY TARDIS  
  
**Thief <3:** OW  
  
**Thief <3 left the chatroom**   
  
**The Master:** T_T  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** ??  
  
**The Master:** Gotta dash…. His fifth incarnation used to…. I liked his… I …  
  
**The Master:** … Never mind.  
  
**The Master left the chatroom**  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** Okay but… is it me or does he sound a bit sad?  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** He’s given him a kitten.  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** Right?? Scratching or not, that’s no universe domination plan…  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** He’s literally given him a kitten.  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** Did we… did we break apart something…  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** No, I mean… they’re pure toxic, right?  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** They’re not good for each other, I mean... He’s evil and the Doctor’s not and it could never work, right?  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** Clara?  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Yeah?  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** You’ve met his fifth incarnation, right? You went into the Doctor’s time stream?  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Oh, yeah, that was the blonde one, he was very kind and cute.  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Damn  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** What did we do?  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl** : A kitten…   
  
**Thief <3 entered TARDIS**  
  
**Thief <3:** WHERE IS HE?  
  
**Thief <3:** THAT BLOODY CAT LEAVES CAT HAIR EVERYWHERE  
  
**Thief <3:** I DON’T WANT A CAT AGAIN, THE LAST TIME RUINED MY BEIGE CRICKET SUIT  
  
**Thief <3:** He was the last one though, so I’m pretty sure that was pure viciousness  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** We were just talking about your fifth incarnation.  
  
**Thief <3: **Huh? What’s with it? Except for the ruined cricket suit?  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** The Master mentioned it and I asked Clara, she met him, remember?  
  
**Thief <3:** Yeah, he would do that. Was his favourite, I believe.  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** …  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Because he was blonde, right? Nothing else?  
  
**Thief <3:** Nah, not sure, my sixth one was as well, but…  
  
**Thief <3:** Oh God.   
  
**Thief <3:** God.   
  
**Thief <3:** You’ve met that one too, haven’t you?  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Sadly, I have.  
  
**Thief <3:** Clara. Clara. My Clara.  
  
**Thief <3:** Did I ever mention how much I love your beard?_

**_  
  
_ **

**_  
                                                                                   ~ The next morning ~  
  
  
_ **

**_  
_ ** _The Master entered TARDIS  
There a 6 users in chatroom TARDIS:_

**_Thief <3, TheImpossibleGirl, FaceOfBoe, Bad Wolf Girl, CallMeFred, The Master_ **

****

**_Thief <3:_ ** _Finally!  
  
**Thief <3:** Get that bloody cat out of my TARDIS immediately!  
  
**Thief <3:** I can’t believe you’re actually that petty  
  
**Thief <3:** What do you think she’s going to do? Stop me stopping you with her cuteness?  
  
**The Master:** If you think he’s cute, then why do you want me to take him back?  
  
**Thief <3:** I… that…  
  
**Thief <3:** She’s a he?  
  
**The Master:** Yes.  
  
**Thief <3:** He’s always snuggling into me and nudging my hands if I stop stroking…  
  
**CallMeFred:** He is going to keep the cat.  
  
**Thief <3:** Well, I guess I could. He’s used to me now… Couldn’t just give him to the Master anyway.  
  
**Thief <3:** I mean, he’s safer with me, right?  
  
**CallMeFred:** Well, who would’ve seen that coming.  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** How are you gonna call it?  
  
**Thief <3:** Koschei.  
  
**The Master:** Yes?  
  
**The Master:** Oh.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Thought you might call it Jack :(  
  
**Thief <3:** No.  
  
**The Master:** No.  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Okay okay, jk  
  
**FaceOfBoe:** Just thought you were going to name it after someone that doesn’t try to kill every living creature in the universe :)  
  
**CallMeFred:** The name’s rubbish anyway.  
  
**The Master:** I agree.  
  
**Thief <3**: Well, I am not going to call her ‘Mighty Master of the universe’.  
  
**Thief <3:** Though I know some kid that was very fond of ‘Stormageddon’.  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** Whatever, we were just talking about your Sixth regeneration, Doctor.  
  
**Thief <3:** dsjdfdfkvjfkdvmfdjkfdjk  
  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** O_O ?  
  
**Thief <3:** Sorry, sorry, that was Koschei, he just jumped on my lap.  
  
**The Master:** …  
  
**The Master** : Goodnight.  
  
**The Master left the chatroom**  
  
**Thief <3:** …   
  
**Thief <3:** He’s a bit weird lately, isn’t he?  
  
**Thief <3**: I wonder what’s up with him.  
  
**Thief <3:** I’m a bit worried, really.  
  
**Thief <3:** Well, I’ve gotta go and save some planets… If he gets here… Just…  
  
**Thief <3:** I don’t know, tell him I like his beard or something.  
  
**Thief <3 left the chatroom**  
  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** Okay guys, we screwed up.  
  
_

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since it was Sophie Aldred's birthday yesterday, I thought it was time to let Ace enter last minute! Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since I'm running out of ideas and you should stop when it's best, there's only one chapter coming after this and it's going to be.... different, to round up the plot I was actually leading to.

_The Master entered TARDIS  
There are 5 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
**Thief <3, SonicLipstick, Brigadier1st, SAVETHEAMAZONAS, The Master  
  
The Master left the chatroom**  
  
_**Thief <3:** _…  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _Anyway.  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _You were just talking about the Autons?  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _Doctor?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _I… well, the story wasn’t that good anyway.  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _But…  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _HEY, remember when the Brigadier punched the Master in the face?  
  
_**Brigadier1st:** _Wanted to do that for ages.  
  
_**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _I_ _wish I would’ve seen that!  
  
_**SonicLipstick:** _You would’ve loved it! There were four Doctors too, and all they did was fight with each other. The whole day. It was hilarious.  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _I mean, there was also a lot of mountain climbing.  
  
_**SonicLipstick:** _And bombs and Cybermen and a really deadly, scary guard of the tower.  
  
_**SonicLipstick** : _But on the other hand: The Brigadier punched the Master!!!  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _Doctor…?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Oh, yes, sorry, good punch, really.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Did he leave because of me?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _It’s my chat after all, isn’t it? I mean, he can’t expect me to stay away?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Oh, this is ridiculous. He’s ridiculous_.  
  
**_Thief <3 is afk (Trying to find some trouble to fix)  
_**  
**SonicLipstick:** _…  
_  
**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Oh, he’s just bored, he needs some adventure! He’ll be fine!  
_  
**Brigadier1st:** _Hm? Why, is something? He seemed normal.  
  
_

 

**~ Later this week ~**

 

_NitroNine entered TARDIS  
There are 6 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
**Thief <3, SonicLipstick, Brigadier1st, Legs, BadWolfGirl, NitroNine  
  
**_

**NitroNine:** _Okay, this is cool!  
_  
**NitroNine:** _What is this though?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _… Ace?  
  
_**NitroNine:** _That’s me, yeah. This chat just suddenly opened! Who are you people then?  
_  
**Brigadier1st:** _Another friend of yours, Doctor?  
_  
**NitroNine:** _Doctor?  
_  
**Thief <3**: _Yeah. Yes, that’s Ace, everyone!  
_  
**NitroNine:** _Professor! I should’ve known you’ve got something to do with this, haha!  
  
_**Thief <3:** _I don’t! But I guess my TARDIS must’ve thought I needed a cheer up or something like that…  
_  
**NitroNine:** _I’m a cheer up then? Ace!  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _Welcome to the group then! I’m Sarah Jane! And you really should know…  
_  
**SonicLipstick _:_** _It’s a pretty chaotic group!  
  
_**NitroNine:** _Sounds just great haha!  
  
_**Legs _:_** _I like her!  
  
_**Legs:** _I’m Amy btw!  
  
_**BadWolfGirl:** _And I’m Rose! Welcome in the girls club! :D  
_  
**Brigadier1st:** _Yes. I’m not part of the club, just so you know.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Yes, well, me neither, I think. Not at the moment, that is.  
  
_**NitroNine:** _Good to know! Well then Professor, what’s been happening since the last time we hang out?  
_  
**Legs:** _Professor???  
_  
**BadWolfGirl _:_** _Is that a thing?  
_  
**Thief <3**: _Absolutely not. I told her several times to call me ‘Doctor’.  
_  
**NitroNine:** _You told me once. And you smiled.  
  
_**Thief <3:** _I always smile, I’m a friendly fellow.  
_  
**BadWolfGirl:** ‘ _Oh Rose, how could you save your father, I’ll leave you here >.< ‘  
  
_**Thief <3**: _Well, excuse me, you ripped a hole into reality and created a huge paradox, MY BAD!  
_   
**NitroNine:** _Don’t worry, I did that twice on good days!  
_  
**Legs:** _He did that twice on bad days…  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Yeah, I guess I did.  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _Well, I’m glad the cheer up worked, though!  
_  
**NitroNine:** _Cheer up what for exactly? What’s up Prof?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Eh…  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Nothing really. Just not much to do, I’m a bit bored, you see?  
_  
**NitroNine** : _Totally relate to that!  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Yes, but kdmcsojnsdsifjn  
_  
**Thief <3:** _dijsofxysxkdjfh  
_  
**NitroNine:** _Explanation please?  
_  
**Bad Wolf Girl:** _It’s his cat.  
_  
**NitroNine:** _Oh, you’ve kept the Master?  
_  
**Legs:** _What??  
_  
**SonicLipstick:** _What??  
_  
**Brigadier1st:** _Huh?  
  
_**BadWolfGirl:** _What??  
_  
**Thief <3:** _No, no, his name is…  
  
_**Thief <3 _:_** _Eh..  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Never mind.  
_  
**Thief <3**: _Gotta save the world!_  
  
**_Thief <3 left the chatroom  
_**  
**SonicLipstick:** _I shouldn’t have brought it up…  
_  
**Legs:** _Yeah, mentioning a cheer up kinda brings up the thing you need cheering up from..  
_  
**NitroNine:** _What’s wrong with him then?  
  
_**BadWolfGirl:** _We’ve got a theory. Come into our secret Doctor channel, we’ll fill you in._  
  
**_Legs switched channels to ‘Doctor who is lonely (private)’_**  
**_SonicLipstick switched channels to ‘Doctor who is lonely (private)’  
Bad Wolf Girl switched channels to ‘Doctor who is lonely (private)’  
NitroNine switched channels to ‘Doctor who is lonely (private)’  
_**  
**Brigadier1st** : _I feel like something’s up…  
  
_**Brigadier1st:** _Well, I guess I could be wrong.  
  
_

 

                                                        **_~ A few weeks later ~_**

 

 _NitroNine entered TARDIS  
There are 8 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
**Thief <3, CallMeFred, TheImpossibleGirl, BadWolfGirl, FaceOfBoe, Brigadier1st, SAVETHEAMAZONAS, NitroNine  
**_  
  
**Thief <3:** _I’m just saying, it’s not normal okay.  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Usually, he’d show up by now.  
  
_**Thief <3:** _He hasn’t been in this chat. And he hasn’t tried to take over the universe.  
  
_**Thief <3:** _It’s been months!  
_  
**Thief <3:** _He might be planning something big, something really, really vicious!  
  
_**Thief <3:** _I need to be prepared!  
_  
**Thief <3:** _I anyone going to judge me tonight or are you all too busy?  
  
_**FaceOfBoe:** _Sorry, I’ve been practising ‘silent judging’, Romana is trying to teach me that.  
_  
**TheImpossibleGirl:** _BusY  
_  
**BadWolfGirl:** _smae  
_  
**BadWolfGirl:** _*same  
_  
**Thief <3:** _I can see you’re in this other chat, you know?  
_  
**CallMeFred:** _The ‘?’-chat? That’s a private one.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Oh. I thought they found my underwe…  
_   
**Thief <3:** _Never mind.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _I didn’t mean to send this but Koschei…  
_  
**CallMeFred:** _The cat?  
_  
**Thief <3: **_Yes the cat. He’s not here, have you even been reading?  
_  
**CallMeFred:** _No, I was too busy judging you.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _…  
_  
**FaceOfBoe:** _How’s the cat doing anyway?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Koschei’s doing fine. Keeps doing all kinds of mischief and then comes snuggling up when I’m getting angry.  
_  
**CallMeFred:** _The cat?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _YES THE CAT.  
  
_**CallMeFred:** _Just checking.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _HE ISN’T HERE. HE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.  
_  
**CallMeFred:** _Okay.  
_  
**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _I’m sure whatever he’s planning, you can stop him. I mean, it can’t be worse than people-eating-sofas, right?  
_  
**NitroNine:** _You’ve obviously never seen him as a cat.  
_  
**CallMeFred:** _Now I’m confused.  
_  
**CallMeFred:** _There’s a cat Master that is a cat. And a cat Master that is the Master?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Cheetah planet. Long story.  
_  
**NitroNine:** _Not really though. He was stuck there and turned into a cat. Very short story. The Professor just never wants to lose his mystery, do you?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _I’ll… go and see if I can find something out.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _He’s gotta plan something._  
  
**_Thief <3 has left the chatroom  
  
_NitroNine:** _He really isn’t up to much fun nowadays, is he?  
  
_**CallMeFred:** _Oh, you noticed?  
  
_**CallMeFred:** _Well, I suppose he misses the Master.  
  
_**CallMeFred:** _There, I said it, can I come into this ridiculous ‘?’-channel too, now?  
  
_**TheImpossibleGirl _:_** _Sure, you know them both pretty good, maybe you can help!_  
  
**_Romana switched channels to ‘Doctor who is lonely’ (private)  
_**  
**Brigadier1st:** _Why are we talking about the Master so much lately?  
  
_**FaceOfBoe:** _Mate.  
  
_**FaceOfBoe:** _Are you always this painfully oblivious?  
  
_**SAVETHEAMAZONAS:** _Yep._

 

**_~ A few days later ~ (The Master still hadn’t showed up. The Doctor made that very obvious. Several times. Weren’t you reading?!)_ **

 

 _RickyTheIdiot entered TARDIS  
There are 3 users in channel TARDIS:  
  
**Thief <3, Brigadier1st, RickeyTheIdiot**  
  
_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _Okay, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important_.  
  
**Thief <3:** _And a warm hello to you too.  
  
_**RickeyTheIdiot:** _I can’t find Martha. She’s gone for days now.  
  
_**Thief <3 _:_** _… Tell me your time and location. I’m on my way.  
  
**Thief <3 left the chatroom  
**_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _…_  
  
**_Thief <3 entered TARDIS  
_**  
**Thief <3:** _Ehm_.  
  
**Thief <3:** _Sorry. That was the cat.  
_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _Sure it was.  
_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _London, Piccadilly, 21 st of august, 2pm. PLEASE be on time just once, will you?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Rickey, Rickey…  
_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _Mickey_.  
  
**Thief <3:** _I’m always on time. I’m a Time Lord. Time is my thing_.  
  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _Just… come.  
  
_**Thief <3 _:_** _I’m sure the Master is behind it. I just *knew* he’s planning something!  
_  
**_Thief <3 left the chatroom  
_**  
**Brigadier1st:** _Typical.  
  
_**Brigadier1st:** _The Doctor and the Master.  
  
_**Brigadier1st:** _They just can’t feel anything but hatred towards each other._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be on Gamescom the whole week, so there'll be no time to upload this, that's why I'm uploading it right away. Yes, it is an actual chapter. Somet things you just can't do in chats! Enjoy & thank you all for reading, I loved this silly little thing a lot!

_Thief entered TARDIS  
RickeyTheIdiot entered TARDIS  
There are 3 users in chatroom TARDIS:  
  
**Sexy, Thief <3, RickeyTheIdiot**  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Okay, we’re having a bit of a problem here.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Can you please add every chat member you can reach?'  
_  
**Thief <3:** _I…  
_  
**Thief <3:** _TAR… okay. Fine. Sexy?  
_  
**Sexy:** _Oh, you were talking to me? :’)  
_  
**Thief <3:** _…  
_  
**Sexy:** _I’m on it. No one else to reach, though.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Thought so. So they’re all gone, taken out of their timeline. That’s not good.  
_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _Typical. Now, what do we do?  
_  
**Sexy:** _Rose and Clara are okay, though!  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Well, add them.  
_  
**Sexy** : _No, they’re in the ‘Doctor who needs a good fuck’ channel.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _excusemewhat  
_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _AHAHAHA  
_  
**Sexy:** _Oh, I shouldn’t have said that. Funny. I always forget about these conventional things.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Anyway, get them here, I need to talk to them.  
_  
**Sexy:** _Oh. They’re gone. That’s weird.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _You can’t re-add them?  
_  
**Sexy:** _Nope. Gone like the rest of them.  
_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _Great, now we lost Rose, too.  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Let me think, I need to think… The Master has something to do with it, I’m sure.  
  
 **Sexy:** With the good fuck?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _So we just need to find him and we’ll find them  
  
_ **Thief <3:** _Very funny.  
  
_**Thief <3:** _That’s it! The cat!  
_  
**Thief <3:** _I’m sure the cat is some kind of clue, maybe a camera even!  
_  
**Thief <3:** _I’ll get Koschei and check it up!  
_  
**_The Master entered TARDIS  
_**  
**The Master:** _By Rassilon, DON’T KILL THE CAT  
_  
**Thief <3:** _… That’s where you draw the line, really?  
_  
**The Master:** _51° 30' 26.463”, 0° 7' 39.93", 12/08/2000, 13:40  
_  
**_The Master left the chatroom  
_**  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _What… was that?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _He really didn’t want me to kill the cat.. That are coordinates. Earth coordinates.  
_  
**RickeyTheIdiot:** _Okay, where do they lead to?  
_  
**Thief <3:** _Our friends, hopefully. Or a major, huge trap. Or both. Anyway, let’s go!  
_  
**Sexy:** _I can’t believe we’re literally all in the same spot, communicating through a chat.  
  
_**Thief <3:** _Yes, yes, fair point. I think we can end this at this point._  
  
  
With a little jump the Doctor got up from his screen and started pounding in the coordinates, the Master had left them. Mickey – well, occasionally he could remember his name, but the kid really didn’t need to know that – watched him with sceptic eyes. The Doctor couldn’t help but feel a tad guilty, like so often, when he was around Mickey.  
Yes, it was his fault their friends were in trouble, yet again. The Master was planning some kind of vengeance for something and the Doctor didn’t even know what he did to hurt his old friend this time. It felt like it was all he did these days.  
With an assuring humming – he refused to think about the sound of anything else than a soft, light, happy humming, really, he had no idea what River had been on about with all her insulting talk about brakes – they landed.  
‘Now, where are we?’ Mickey asked with narrowed eyes. ‘Alaska? Russia? Germany? Somewhere in the middle of a battlefield?’  
The Doctor smirked. ‘London, year 2000, August. Nothing to worry about, it’s warm and dry today.’  
Micky frowned. ‘Really? He abducted all of your friends and brought them to London? You’re here most of your time anyway, does he always make rubbish plans?’  
‘Actually… yes, he does. But don’t tell him I said that, he’ll sulk for years. Come on now! Time to find them!’  
They didn’t have to look for long. The TARDIS, sweet little all-knowing TARDIS, had brought them to an old, empty warehouse. It looked like it was unused for decades and Mickey threw sceptical glances to the ceiling, as if he was worried it would eventually crash down on them.  
The Doctor, however, held his eyes on the road, always looking forward, that’s why he saw the Master’s black coat tail disappear around the corner, down a corridor, just in time.  
‘This way,’ he pointed out and together they started running down the corridor.  
The Doctor and Mickey the Idiot on a mission, well wasn’t that a first?  
They came to a halt on the back door. The Doctor wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it surely wasn’t a rich and blooming garden, full with August sunlight, shadow spending, huge, trees and soft, green grass under their feet. Dazed, he blinked into the sun, while trying to look around. He found his friends – Oh God, they were all on one spot, that was going to be chaotic – tied to each their neighbours. The last of them – Romana – was tied neatly to a tree. And somewhere was a sheep.  
All in all, it was a bit weird, really, even for one of the Master’s plans.  
Where was the charlatan anyway?  
The Doctor turned around and saw him – well, who would’ve thought – lurking behind them, hands folded behind his back neatly, all dressed in black.  
‘You’ve lied,’ was all the Doctor said when their eyes met.  
The Master raised an eyebrow.  
‘Several times, I assure you. Which lie in particular?’  
‘You’ve still got the rubbish beard.’  
Okay, this wasn’t a chat, so he could admit to himself and himself only, he had missed him in the last weeks. He had missed him in general, the rubbish beard, the gleaming eyes, the elegant, black clothes, the leather gloves, the small, narrow figure, the tousled, dark hair, the young face. He hadn’t seen this version of the Master before, not ever, but he liked it instantly, and to be honest, he would’ve recognized it everywhere, it was a fitting look, one that simply ‘shouted’ Master loud enough to be still heard from people visiting the Big Ben.  
And the little, reluctant smile that had spread at his words, that he had missed the most.  
‘It’s not rubbish, remember? I can show them pictures.’  
‘You don’t have pictures of my sixth…. You wouldn’t have… oh come one.’  
The Master just smirked.  
Oh, that smug little…   
He fought the urge to jump into his arms and instead turned around to face his friends, who all seemed rather impatient. Well, he agreed, their position didn’t exactly seem cosy, they were all tied up and gagged with a bit of rope, but other than that…   
He raised an eyebrow and turned back to the Master again.  
‘So you’ve taken… all of my friends. Every single one of them. Out of their timeline. And brought them here?’  
‘Yes. To kill them, naturally. Unless you stop me.’  
‘Of course. And to make sure I wouldn’t stop you, you told me the exact coordinates.’  
‘So you would witness the ultimate destruction of all of your beloved little apes, naturally.’  
‘Naturally.’  
‘Unless you stop me, of course.’  
‘Right. You’ve mentioned.’  
‘So? Shall we begin then?’  
‘Thank you.’  
The Master startled. There was genuine surprise in his dark eyes, along with a spark of fear that made the Doctor frown.  
‘I didn’t…’  
‘You brought all my friends to one spot and got me there. You can’t tell me, that’s an evil scheme, that’s ridiculous, even for you. You know me together with all of them could defeat you without any effort at all. So… what’s going on?’  
‘Fine,’ the Master grunted. ‘You tell… you tell your bloody ship… You… oh, whatever.’  
He pulled out a sharp knife and cut through the rope that held Romana tied to the tree. She pulled out the gag, but didn’t say anything, just threw some dark glances to the Master, while taking the offered knife. She started freeing the rest of their friends and the Master turned back to the Doctor.  
The Doctor suddenly felt awfully calm.  
‘I tell my bloody ship what?’  
The Master sighed, then seemed to make a decision. He shrugged. ‘It’s your birthday. So I don’t care. I’ll be gone again tomorrow, but for today… just… you know…’  
The Doctor knew. Enjoy your day. I brought all your friends here and disguised it as the worst attack plan I could’ve ever come up with, so I wouldn’t embarrass myself. Happy birthday.  
‘I don’t want you to be gone tomorrow.’ He had never felt as calm and sure about anything as he did with this, today, now.  
The Master stared at him.  
‘Why would I tell my ship, you’d be gone tomorrow?’  
Clara, freeing her hands from the ropes, had been listening to their conversation (as had the rest of them, but they all acted really polite and looked distinctly into other directions) came up to them.  
‘She threatened him,’ she explained quietly. ‘Well, it was all of us, really, we came up with the idea after he started hacking. Wanted him to leave you alone.’  
The Doctor looked angry only for a second, then he managed to bury his feelings beneath a really secure mask. They were his friends. He was his enemy. They would be worried, they wouldn’t understand, not ever possibly understand. He wasn’t angry at them, not really. Angry at himself for not having realized. Angry at the Master, for… Oh God, he had believed it so easily, hadn’t he? That he was someone that needed to be threatened away for the Doctor’s good, that he didn’t want him around.  
And he still had collected all of his friends and brought them here for him, completely unselfish, to make him happy (in his own twisted way, but still, not even a cat had to die, so he guessed that counted).  
The Doctor frowned. ‘What the hell did they threaten you with?’ he laughed.  
Jo came up to them with a serious look. ‘Remember the Keller machine? The one that showed you your biggest fears?’  
The Doctor stared at her, while the Master turned around swiftly, glaring, trying to make her shut up. Jo just raised her hands in defence.  
‘Don’t worry,’ she assured him. ‘We’re on your side now. Been trying to get you two to talk again for days now.’  
‘Oh, so that was the “Doctor who needs a good fuck” chatroom?’  
Clara nodded and threw a grin to a half-heartedly try of Rose to not look to interested in the conversation.  
The Doctor smirked. The Master still glared, but seemed a bit more relaxed now, that people had stopped talking about what ever the Keller Machine had showed him.  
‘Anyway!’ The Brigadier stepped in with a huge grin and a perfect look of oblivion on his face. ‘How about we tie this fellow up himself and then sit down in this wonderful grass and have a real little talk?’  
The Doctor laughed. ‘No tying up, no blowing up’ – only preventive, really, he knew the Brigadier and he really couldn’t say the Master wasn’t a fan of blowing stuff up either – ‘But yeah, let’s sit.’  
One after another got pulled into a tight, long hug by their Doctor. He was amazed of the amount of love and affection his hearts could take without exploding. Romana, Ace, Rose, Jo, Sarah Jane, all those other faces, gone for so long, nothing but warm memories, that now had come back to life, laughed with him with tears in their eyes, tears he shared, how could he not, really? His whole life, everyone that ever cared for him, kept him alive, kept him fighting, kept his hearts beating safely and sound, they were all sitting here in front of him.  
And even the Master sat next to him in the soft grass, looking kind of uncomfortable with his dark clothes in the bright sunlight, but didn’t complain.  
They talked. A lot. No one mentioned the Keller Machine and their strange arrangement anymore. They laughed and some people found a guitar somewhere in the warehouse and had started playing. (Turned out, Jack had somewhere in his long life learned to play guitar, Sarah Jane was pretty talented, too, but he threw long, dark gazes at Ace whenever she came close to the instrument. He remembered her doubtful taste in music quite well, thank you very much.)  
When the night came, they collected wood for a bonfire. It got cosy and quiet. Some fell asleep on the warm, soft grass, some went home, some announced they would wait in the Doctor’s TARDIS for their trip home (oh Rassilon, he was gonna let the Master do all the work, no way he’d take them all back home, he wasn’t good at goodbyes anyway.)  
When Martha and Mickey sneaked off with Amy and Rory to wait in the TARDIS the Master caught his slightly panicked gaze.  
‘They won’t be gone,’ he remarked quietly. ‘You still got the chat, remember?’  
That calmed the Doctor down a bit. He had a point. He could still talk to his friends whenever he wanted, so it basically wasn’t a real goodbye, right?  
Ianto and Jack started snogging. The Doctor watched them, as they hid away behind some bushes, giggling.  
River followed them in.  
‘Are they…’   
The Master drew a face and the both of them turned their backs to the bush in silent resistance.  
The Doctor chuckled.  
‘What?’ the Master asked bitterly as the other Time Lord wouldn’t stop.  
‘We used to do that too, remember?’ he asked, still giggling. ‘On Gallifrey?’  
The Master sighed. ‘Of course I remember.’  
Silence.  
The fire crackled though, that was quite nice.  
Really atmospheric, really.  
‘I don’t know what she threatened you with,’ the Doctor started. ‘But I’ll talk to her. She won’t tell me. Please come back?’  
He nodded in direction of the TARDIS, still ignoring the bushes that now made strange sounds.  
‘Even my friends like you, you know?’  
The Master looked into his eyes serious and the Doctor – oh, that was weird – felt something fluttering inside his stomach.   
Was there something wrong with the marshmallows they’d… oh no, right, he was in love, it’s been a while, he didn’t instantly recognize it, keep calm.  
‘I don’t care about your friends,’ the Time Lord stated calmly.  
The Doctor wondered if his stomach fluttered, too.  
And the Master laughed.  
‘A bit, yes.’  
The Doctor stared at him with innocent, wide eyes and the other Time Lord snickered.  
‘You’re projecting.’  
‘And you’re still not kissing. It’s getting frustrating, you know?’  
The Master nodded. ‘Damn right, it is.’  
They leaned in, just a bit, - had they already been so close, the Doctor hadn’t noticed, too caught up in these eyes – and their lips touched gently, softly, as light as feathers in the air. The fluttering got worse, but he decided he liked the feeling. He liked all of it. He liked lying inside the Master’s arms, the stars of London above them, all their friends around – and absolutely not making strange noises in the bushes -, the crackling of the warm, cosy fire and lips on his, again, again oh and again, the kiss getting a bit harder, the embrace tighter. He felt it all making him dizzy, the daze of it mixing together to one, beautiful impression of goodness. And when it felt as if he lost touch to reality, his feet left the ground, his earth spun around a bit too fast, the Master was there, held him, kissed him, tasted like home.  
Somewhere between the kissing, when both of them decided to breathe a bit, they looked into the other’s eyes again.  
‘Thank you,’ the Doctor repeated, but the Master shrugged it off.  
‘Do rename the cat, though,’ he finally said seriously and the Doctor burst out into laughter.  
‘Sorry, did that bother you?’  
‘Koschei? Lying in your lap? Are you serious? Of course it bothered me!’  
The Doctor nestled up on him, contently looking at the stars above them.  
‘Hey,’ he muttered sleepy. ‘We could chose one, you know?’  
The Master laid his head back to look at the sky, too. He closed one eye in order to see better and then grinned.  
‘See the one on the left?’ he asked with a cheeky grin. ‘The one that’s brighter than the rest? We could burn that one.’  
The Doctor hit him half heartedly. ‘To visit, not to burn them, stupid.’  
‘Ohhh, alright,’ the Master said in a tone that was just totally overacted, really, it shouldn’t be so funny, but the Doctor still laughed. Love did that, he guessed.  
He frowned.  
‘Am I still projecting?’ he asked and felt the Master laugh under his head rather than hearing it.  
‘A bit, yes.’  
‘I wish that would work in a chat, too, you know? That would make the whole “I love you” thing a lot more easy.’  
‘Well, I know it now.’  
‘Right. You do. Yeah.’  
‘So do you, I believe.’  
‘Yes.’  
‘Doctor?’  
‘Mh?’  
‘Don’t let me screw this up.’  
‘You didn’t screw up,’ the Doctor replied firmly. ‘I did. My friends did. We all did. But not you.’  
The Master just shrugged and when the Doctor sat up again to look into his eyes, he saw honest feelings lure there, along with a spark of fear. And he didn’t know what to do, because he knew, all of it needed time. New time to build new trust. But it would be fine. They were done screwing up.  
The Master smiled.  
Damn, he was projecting again, wasn’t he?  
The Master’s smile grew.  
‘Hey,’ he finally said. ‘Ever been on a shooting star?’  
The Doctor laughed. ‘You want to visit a shooting star?’  
The Master jumped up and grinned at him brightly.  
‘Yes! We can visit a burning star, how about that?’  
Well, if that didn’t sum them up perfectly.  
‘Love it.’  



End file.
